The Real Powers: 01/06/08

Sunday, January 06, 2008

Are You Being Authentic In Your Relationship?

Are You Being Authentic
in Your Relationship?

Larry James

"Authenticity occurs when the head and the heart meet at the lips; when what we think and what we feel is congruent with what we say and do." - Dr. Carl Hammerschlag, Speaker, Author, Healer

Dr. Hammerschlag's quote about sums it up, right? Are you talking the talk and not walking the walk? Are you experiencing the same problems in your relationship that you had last year? Are you living your relationship as an example you would want others to emulate? Are you living in sync with your own values and principles? When you're not authentic, who are you?

Being authentic is the key to truly happy, healthy relationships. It is not possible to be happy without being true to yourself. Unfortunately many people live their entire lives never discovering their authentic self. It is not only a matter of focusing on yourself, but also involves deliberation about how your commitments make a contribution to the good of the relationship.

Being authentic is being genuine. Being genuine is being true to the commitments you have made to each other. It means standing up for what is real. None of the fake persona we often see. The temptation to be fake, phony, or misleading is centered on the desire to feel smart, important, or better than someone else. That is your ego speaking. Shed those pretences. Not being authentic demands a lot of misguided energy. Being authentic is easy. It's being fake that is difficult.

I'm certain that you know you can fool some of the people some of the time (even yourself), but not all of the people all of the time. Authenticity reduces phoniness to nothing.

It seems to me that being authentic begins with being true to yourself. It's knowing that deep within, you know beyond a doubt that who you being is the real you. When you live an authentic life, you are living a life that resonates with your inner being, free from relationships that limit possibilities. Living authentically means to be happy with who you are, as you are. Living with authenticity is a journey that will lead you to your incredible self.

Carol Adrienne, Ph.D., says, "The voice of the authentic self seems to be the same as the intuitive voice, that quiet, but persistent voice that whispers new ideas to us in the middle of the night, on vacation, or after meditating. Intuition speaks in short; clear messages that are qualitatively different from the repetitive mind chatter that makes us feel anxious. Intuition tells us where the authentic choice is - for us."

The truth is, most people are intuitive and can feel when something is not right. They know when you are not being honest with them or yourself.

Shakespeare gave us this ethical principle: "This above all - to thine own self be true." It's practicing greatness - even when no one else is watching. We must learn to live in a way that expresses our real desires, principles and demonstrates our character. When our behavior doesn't match our values, we are not living authentically.

It's not trying to be someone you think your partner wants you to be. It's not doing what you do to just get by, it's doing whatever it takes to have your partner feel assured that you are who you say you are and are consistently doing what's right.

Demonstrating authenticity in your relationship is a prerequisite to having a healthy relationship. It certainly helps if you have a specific intention to be that way.

The great thing about authenticity is that it releases you from the requirement to be perfect. No one is perfect. Just be you own good self.

Authenticity is only one piece of the relationship puzzle. And it is an important piece. Strive to be honest in the sense of allowing your behavior and conversation to be a true and spontaneous expression of your inner feelings.

Being authentic is to be able to live with your guard down; to be venerable; to be able to be yourself, not someone that someone else thinks you should be.

Being authentic requires a balance between being forthright and gaining the interpersonal skillfulness that allows you to be more sensitive and caring to your partner. It means that what you say, what you mean, what you intend, and what you do, are all in alignment and You are worthy of trust and belief. Authenticity means that you are living with integrity, and aspiring to all the wonderful joys life has to offer and doing it with a peaceful heart.

Only when you have evolved into clarity and authenticity by resolving the conflicts, confusion, and self-doubt within, will you be accepted, respected and listened to by your partner. There is great power in being an example of authenticity to your partner.

Being authentic can be defined as unquestionable congruent living - the moment-to-moment alignment of your sincere thoughts, values, emotions and actions. - Anisa Aven

Perhaps your relationship would be much better if you spend less time trying to convince yourself that you are being authentic and more time demonstrating authenticity to your partner. The truth of who you are must be lived not just believed. Once these truths are discovered, you must bring them to life by living them through conscious action. It is through action not thought that you become authentic. Intention to be authentic is great however your actions always speak louder than your words.

The truth is you cannot not be authentic. Even a counterfeit one hundred dollar bill is a genuine counterfeit bill - it is what it is, a very real counterfeit one hundred dollar bill. You have your own personality. Be that. Be authentic. You are what you are doing.

• • •

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source: http://www.celebratelove.com/authentic.htm

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Living on Love "The Messenger"

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Living on Love

"The Shameful Secret"

http://k.livingonlove.com/shameful-secret.shtml

Living on Love

"A Weekend With 'a' Drunken Leprechaun"

http://k.livingonlove.com/drunken-leprechaun.shtml

Living on Love

"Money Is Love"

Not what it sounds like

http://k.livingonlove.com/book-money-is-love.shtml

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Essence of Reality
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No Withholds [Love/Relationships]

No Withholds

Larry James

It may be true that we often seek in others that which we are not willing to give ourselves. This is a correctable mistake. It is not a good reason to be in a relationship. If we are only being with someone for what they can do for us, that is called dependency.

What we think we lack, we think we will find in someone else. The sense of self we assume we lack can never happen by osmosis. What we think we need from others can never rub off on us. Being with a love partner who has the qualities we lack does not necessarily enable us to acquire those desired qualities ourselves.

It is simply only your choice to give yourself what you think you lack. What a wonderful gift. You deserve it! You do this through the awareness self-discovery inspires.

Being with someone who is independent will not cure our own leaning toward dependency. You must do this on your own. And preferably before entering into a new relationship. You alone hold the key to the cure.

It is time for us to know that we lack nothing. Nothing, except perhaps the insight to know that we already have everything there is, including that which we seek from someone else. We have only yet to discover it within ourselves. This takes time and patience and understanding and lots of love for ourselves. And you have to want to!

You must never withhold discovery of self from yourself.

It is important to give yourself the gift you have been withholding from yourself before you attempt a serious love relationship. You may discover that once deeply involved with a love partner, with all of the many nuances of a relationship, you may never again find time to concentrate on giving yourself what you think you need if you are in the throes of always putting your best foot forward in the relationship.

When we first meet, we want to look our best; we instinctively do our best to sell ourselves. We put aside our bad habits and turn into someone who is focused solely on looking good. Many of us never intentionally shift to this mode to deceive, but do so in an effort to impress our new partner.

Others become a chameleon. They become who they think their new love partner wants them to be, changing frequently, always attempting to live up to someone else's expectations.

This is a losing game. No one can win it. How frustrating this must be, not only for you but for your love partner as well. How confusing it must be to be with someone when you never know how they are going to be the next time you are with them. This kind of unpredictability will get you nowhere. The relationship is doomed from the beginning. You are lying to yourself. It is certainly not putting your best foot forward. It is a major withhold which is dishonesty in action.

This is not being who you really are. It is not being honest with the one you're with, and most certainly not being honest with yourself. It is withholding that side of you that must always eventually be revealed if two people are to really know each other. How can someone get to know you if you never reveal your true self to them?

Another tendency is to only see the good in our new love partner in the beginning. I believe it is totally appropriate to look for the good in everyone; however, by contrast, it is a potentially unhealthy tendency to purposely overlook what we do not want to see.

We become carried away with the romance of it all. We hear bells and whistles and see shooting stars. We are moonstruck. Give it time and the negative seems to always surface. It is only a matter of time before the bubble bursts.

I choose to trust that my love partner can listen to the real me and know that what I reveal about myself is really who I am. I trust her to love me for who I am, not for who she thinks I should be.

Some may argue that there are certain things that you must never share with your love partner. Perhaps. That is a personal decision. However, if trust is to be present in your relationship, you must demonstrate your own personal integrity. For me, this means no withholds.

For purposes of this conversation, I am referring to letting your lover know who you really are. I do not mean revealing something you have done in your distant or not too distant past that is not relevant to your current situation. That is being irresponsible and may hurt your love partner or perhaps even destroy the trust that may be present now.

If you have things that you feel you must reveal to your love partner that may cast a permanent shadow over your relationship, you would be well advised to first seek the services of a professional therapist or spiritual leader before you make the final decision to do so.

If both love partners strive for a state of truly being who they are, without withholds, they will find that they can see both the negative and positive sides of each other early in the relationship. There is great value in this.

I believe it is possible to put your best foot forward and at the same time, very quickly allow your new love partner to see who you really are. It is risky.

We wonder, "If we let them see who we really are, will they go away?" The truth is, if we don't let them see who we really are they may go away anyway. All we see is a puff of smoke!

People love people who are real.

I would rather present myself for who I am. My love partner will either love me for who I am or she won't. I would rather make myself vulnerable, take the risk and know where I stand, than to withhold who I really am, only to have my love partner leave in six months because the me I withheld was not someone she was able to be with.

Make a mutual commitment to no withholds, another of the keys to success in a healthy love relationship.

Site Map

Relationship Articles

source: http://www.celebratelove.com/nowithholds.htm

KnightsIntent
Knights Blogs
IntentionalOne
IntentionalOne Blogs
Intentional Living Forums
Intentional Living Blogs
Essence of Reality Blogs
Manifesting Intentions Blogs
Living On Love Blogs

Click Below To Start Reading
Read In Order IT'S FREE

Living on Love "The Messenger"

http://k.livingonlove.com/messenger.shtml

Living on Love

"The Shameful Secret"

http://k.livingonlove.com/shameful-secret.shtml

Living on Love

"A Weekend With 'a' Drunken Leprechaun"

http://k.livingonlove.com/drunken-leprechaun.shtml

Living on Love

"Money Is Love"

Not what it sounds like

http://k.livingonlove.com/book-money-is-love.shtml

Manifesting Intention
Essence of Reality
Essence of Eden
Living On Love
The Intentional One
Eden
Knights Intent MySpace

Living On Love - Read All The Books Free Now

KnightsIntent
Knights Blogs
IntentionalOne
IntentionalOne Blogs
Intentional Living Forums
Intentional Living Blogs
Essence of Reality Blogs
Manifesting Intentions Blogs
Living On Love Blogs

Click Below To Start Reading
Read In Order IT'S FREE

Living on Love "The Messenger"

http://k.livingonlove.com/messenger.shtml

Living on Love

"The Shameful Secret"

http://k.livingonlove.com/shameful-secret.shtml

Living on Love

"A Weekend With 'a' Drunken Leprechaun"

http://k.livingonlove.com/drunken-leprechaun.shtml

Living on Love

"Money Is Love"

Not what it sounds like

http://k.livingonlove.com/book-money-is-love.shtml

Manifesting Intention
Essence of Reality
Essence of Eden
Living On Love
The Intentional One
Eden
Knights Intent MySpace

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